“Marcus, You Dress Like a Pool Guy”

We all have friends.

But not all of us have friends who will bluntly tell us like it is.

And furthermore, even when we do have friends that will tell us like it is, we don’t always respect them enough to listen to their words.

I say this because I truly believe every single one of us needs to seek friends who care enough about us to be brutally honest enough to call a spade a spade—and at the same time, we need to respect them enough to take their words to heart.

Case in point—two of my dearest friends are Joey Coleman and Ian Altman. 

Both are professional speakers and world-class at what they do. Because of the respect that I have for them, when they speak, I listen.

The three of us used to host an event together where we’d bring business leaders in to discuss sales, marketing, and customer experience.

For me, it was always thrilling to spend two full days sharing the stage with two elite professionals. But the most enjoyable part, for me, was always the debrief that came afterward.

Essentially, as soon as the event was over, we would sit down together and give each other the most candid feedback possible. We discussed what we believed was the good, bad, and ugly of not just the event, but the specific moments where we felt the others did well and where they needed to improve.

About five years ago, after one of our events together and in the midst of our debrief, Joey and Ian told me the following:

Marcus, it’s not your talk that needs work.

It’s your look.

You look like a pool guy.

It’s time you start looking like a professional speaker.

Hard advice?

In my case, I can remember hearing it and feeling such a sense of relief.

You see, style and fashion have never come naturally for me.

I wasn’t taught it as a kid.

And I certainly didn’t “pick it up” along the way.

In fact, because I was speaking to more and more audiences by this point in my career, I had a sense that I didn’t look the part, yet had no idea how to fix it, much less place my finger on the problem.

But that night, Joey and Ian told me what I had long suspected.

It was time to look the part.

Granted, you may read this and think, “It shouldn’t be about what you’re wearing.” 

Well, that may or may not be true, but the fact is, one’s clothes and appearance DO affect the perception of others, and I was absolutely doing myself no favors by thinking brown khakis and yellow polo shirts would carry the day.

In fact, I can specifically remember a time when I was speaking at Discover Card’s headquarters and my one big thought beforehand was literally—am I dressed appropriately for this group?

Of all the things I could have been worried about, that was it.

Ridiculous, right?

There were many more times when I had anxiety as to whether or not my appearance was consistent with the brand I was trying to build.

This is exactly why frank, honest, and caring friends are so critical.

With Ian and Joey’s added clarity (and frank assessment), a few weeks later I met with a personal stylist, spent a few thousand dollars on clothes, and have never looked back.

You may read this and think it a silly example.

That’s fine, but the fact remains, it was a big deal—at least to me.

And it has had an incredibly positive impact on my life since.

So as we finish our time together today, I’d ask you to reflect on these  very serious questions:

1. Do you seek friends in your life that will tell you what you want to hear, or rather what you need to hear?
2. Do you intentionally create opportunities with peers where everyone is forced to give (and receive) open and honest feedback?
3. Do you (or your organization) embrace feedback as a gift?

If you answered “no” to any of these, I would urge you to make it an intentional part of your efforts going forward. Fact is, we all have blind spots. And we all need frank talk from those we love and respect.

By so doing, personal growth is inevitable.

And you just might even ditch the yellow polos in the process. ;-) 

To becoming more than we are,

PS: If you’re willing to share, what’s the most honest (and helpful) feedback you’ve ever received from a friend or peer? Really, I’d LOVE to hear about it.

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